Which I is I
by Dramamama5
Summary: Sometimes, it's difficult just living the life you've been given. But when your job demands that you live multiple lives… for in depth periods of time, the lines between what's real and what's made up can become blurred. Callen is a master chameleon, can he help Deeks overcome the same hurdles before his personal life begins to unravel?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:**_For this chapter and throughout the remainder of this story... let it be know that I DO NOT own any of the characters mentioned throughout this story... WITH THE EXCEPTION OF TWO... "THE GHOST" and Aiden McDaniel are ALLLLLLLLLLLL mine. As for the lovely characters of NCIS LA... I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. As always, I promise to return them none the worse for wear._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_ HELLO! Just a bit of welcome and how do you do... As always, this is a continuation of... well... my version of the series. I'm more than a wee bit tired of the skip and jump game they play on the show. ANYWAY, if you are new to my stories... They ALLLLLLLL run in order. Most can be read as a stand lone but for the last four... they need to be read in the proper order. I do hope you enjoy my latest story. These characters are so much fun to write for. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW when you get to the end of the chapter... While my story is completely written out, I have been known to make changes from time to time dependent on what I hear from the readers... I do take your ideas into consideration for the story of the moment or one in the future. One can always use new ideas. Thanks in advance for you kind and constructive reviews. Carry on..._

Hetty sat her desk with her tea cup in hand. She had never been one to look back with regret and mourning but this day she found herself doing both. Maybe she was getting too old for this rat race. She was tired… and once again she found herself worrying over her team.

Six weeks ago, the LAPD had ordered Marty Deeks back to reprise his alias, Max Gentry, for a deep undercover operation in a co-op assignment with the ATF.

Callen had not been happy with the news. He'd warned her it was a bad idea. Deeks was always on the short end of the stick with LAPD, especially now with Ellen Whiting. Deeks was unaware that Callen knew about Whiting's little blackmail game she had started. That wasn't all Callen knew. Callen was well aware of the fact that Max was one of the aliases that would take root if you let them. It was the type of persona that could change you and not for the better. He, personally, knew that all too well. There was no one to help Callen when he started out. He wasn't at all sure it would have mattered. Callen seldom needed to 'create' those particular personas. He had carried those demons inside him from childhood. "Ghost" was his Renegade persona. The worst of the worst. His guess was that 'Max Gentry' was Deeks's demon. A mixture of personal history and creation of necessity. Living in that skin for even a few days was dangerous. Six weeks was a disastrous mistake in the making. The op wasn't supposed to have been more than a few weeks though.

Despite his warning, the truth was that her hands were tied. Deeks was first and foremost, LAPD and then NCIS. Callen was determined to have a talk with Deeks, when he returned, about the unsigned paperwork that would allow him to be an NCIS agent.

NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA

Callen stretched his aching muscles. Hetty hadn't been kidding when she said he wasn't getting any younger. The many beatings his body had taken over the year were starting to haunt him, not unlike the many memories of those cases now haunting his dreams.

He'd been in the apartment above the bar now for nearly three months and though he tried, he had yet to be able to stay in the bed they had purchased for his use. He could only imagine the psychological reasoning Nate would have used to explain it. Callen chuckled as he holstered his gun at his back and grabbed his keys before heading down the steps to the bar area to grab a cup of coffee he knew would be waiting.

He was just headed for the door when the now familiar voice called him to a halt from behind.

"Just where do you think you are going?"

Callen smiled, "Good morning, Roberta. I was just heading to work, thanks for the coffee!" he answered preparing to continue exiting the building.

"Not before you eat breakfast," she scolded.

"I'm late." He threw back.

"Should have come down sooner. Park your butt on a stool and I'll get your plate."

"I'll grab something on the way. Hetty doesn't take to tardiness." Callen stated.

"I CAN give her a call!" Roberta offered, not giving an inch.

With a heavy sigh, his eyes narrowed, "That won't be necessary. So, what are we talking about here… oatmeal?" he asked, turning to face her with a smirk.

"Scrambled eggs with a nice side of bacon." she grinned, knowing she'd already won.

With a mock sigh of resignation, Callen headed over to the bar, "I guess I could eat."

"Yeah, I thought you might." Roberta chuckled, quickly returning with his plate of food.

In the short time he'd lived there, Roberta was quick to take notice of the foods he liked and made sure he ate each morning before heading out. This argument had become a game they played out frequently.

As he finished the last of his eggs, Callen picked up the offered glass of juice to clear his throat before speaking, "You know, you don't have to do this. I've managed for a very long time on my own."

"Darlin' from the looks of you, just barely," Roberta replied as she dried the tray of glasses she'd just washed.

Callen instinctively looked down at himself in question.

Roberta smiled, "Look, maybe it's time you let someone do something for you for a change. You want to fill yourself with all that garbage truck food during the day, that's your business but you eat a homecooked meal to start the day. Deal?" she stated adamantly.

Callen watched her for a moment, "You sure Marty is okay with this?" He didn't want to cause trouble between the two.

"Why wouldn't he be? He's a big boy and he's married. He has his own life," she swished her hand in the air for affect.

Callen glanced at his watch as he got up to leave. "Okay, deal… but don't feel pressured…" Roberta put a hand on her hip and rolled her eyes as he grabbed up the last piece of bacon and with a small grin, he left.

\- NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA -

Callen walked in to find the remaining two members of the team sitting at their desks finishing up the final details on their latest case. "You're late." Sam scolded, "See? This is why I should be picking you up."

"and your coffee is now cold." Kensi added.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Thanks though." He took a sip before setting the cold cup aside. He had just began removing his laptop from his bag when Hetty called him to her office.

"Getting called to the principal's office... what did you do now?" Sam grinned.

"Never grows old, Sam." Callen threw back over his shoulder as Sam and Kensi shared a grin.

Truth was, he was debating that very thought during the short walk to her office. He had seen her on the phone when he first walked in and whomever she was talking to was getting an ear full.

"Mr. Callen," Hetty greeted, motioning to the chair in front of her desk.

"What's going on, Hetty?" Callen asked, already on alert.

"I just got off the phone with Miss Whiting. It would appear that the mission with Mr. Deeks is finally beginning to wind down and they need to extricate Mr. Deeks from the field prior to the close. However, this is proving to be a challenge, as he is well embedded in his character at this point, as you may have guessed. They are asking us to clean up their mess and talk him out. I do not believe Miss Blye would be the proper choice in this case."

"What is it you are asking me?" Callen asked, fearing her answer.

Hetty could see the man tensing.

"They are in want of one of your darker aliases, Mr. Callen." Hetty answered, "One, Mr. Aiden McDaniel".

"What? Why? How did they even know about him?" Callen demanded. He had made sure that he had buried anything and everything to do with himself from public record. He was tired of his past coming back to haunt him… even in the ABC agencies… especially in the ABC agencies. "I've retired that alias and for good reason, you know that!" Callen fumed.

"Yes, Mr. Callen, I am well aware of Aiden McDaniel's history," Hetty remarked, already concerned by the agitated state of her boy. "That is the very reason you were chosen. Max Gentry has become very volatile. They are concerned he has usurped our Mr. Deeks and is becoming more dangerous and unreachable. They feel your Aiden McDaniel might just be able to reach him and possibly take the case over from here to the end so that Mr. Deeks might come home."

"I warned you Hetty. Max Gentry needed retired ages ago. He has become too much a part of Marty. He's been under too long. Didn't he request an out?" Callen demanded.

"Mhm. Yes, it appears he did. They were more interested in finishing the case than protecting Mr. Deeks."

"And the case? What exactly is it and how close to done are they?"

Hetty cringed inwardly at having to divulge the basics of the case, "Human trafficking."

"Damn it, Hetty." Callen leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I would understand, Mr. Callen, should you choose to decline." Hetty offered him the out. Callen hated the human trafficking cases… evil preying on innocence… she knew he still had nightmares from many of the cases he was involved in where the outcome had ended less than ideally in his opinion. What he hated even more was when the aliases he had to take up in order to address the case were one of the members involved in the trafficking… having to cause the victims further pain and anguish just to save their lives never settled well with him. The LAST thing she wanted was to put him through anymore of that… but their own Martin Deeks was at risk and she couldn't have that either.

Shaking his head, he looked up and Hetty knew his answer without him speaking a word.

"Very well, this is all you need to know. Max Gentry's present where a bouts are being sent to your phone. Everything you need is waiting for you in the locker room and here are the keys to that infernal bike of yours. Try not to wreck it." Hetty warned with a smirk.

Callen stood and returned the look, his blue eyes sparkling. The only bright spot in the deal was having his bike back.

Callen headed back towards the locker room only to return twenty minutes later dressed as one Aiden McDaniel. Hetty could already see the changes taking place in his stance. His visage darkening in preparation. It was frightening how quickly he could change his persona. She was glad he was on their side.

"Mr. Callen," Hetty called out to the retreating figure, garnering the attention of the bullpen. "Stay safe, Grisha." She stated as she walked up to the man, "Bring our Mr. Deeks home."

"Yes, Ma'am." Callen replied as he turned and headed out of the building, leaving Hetty to deal with the men's partners. With a sigh she cast a glance towards the landing above the bullpen where the dynamic duo now stood returning her concerned gaze.

_**NOT TO HARP BUT THE BOX IS RIGHT DOWN THERE... JUST SAYIN' **_


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_ Hello! Just a quick one here. Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read and review. It may not seem like much to leave those reviews... but for the writer, it means a LOT. So, thank you. Also, I have had some ask about where this is headed. Not to give anything away... I will say this... it is not nearly as long as the others. This is just something I've been tossing around in my head for awhile. It is a continuation of all my past stories and will certainly lead the way for these two to head up another story in the future. Callen and Deeks intrigue me. I think if the writers had put a little more thought into it, Deeks and Callen would make an interesting friendship on and off the field. Comparisons could have been drawn and mixed with their many differences... the fun is endless. Well, I guess I will have to see what we can do about that. I do hope you continue until the end... and I hope that you will continue to drop me a line or two when you finish reading each chapter. I love hearing from you and well, I am sometimes inclined to make changes in a story based on a readers thoughts... Well, here is chapter two... let's see what we can get into._

"Hetty, where's Callen going?" Sam asked.

"He has been requested to participate in an ongoing mission." She replied cryptically.

"What mission?" Kensi pushed for more answers.

"Hetty, he's my partner." Sam urged.

Hetty looked up toward the balcony once more. They knew. They had backstopped the present details of Callen's alias. Unbeknownst to the LAPD, Eric and Nell had also reinforced the feeble work the LAPD and ATF had done on the alias for Martin Deeks. While she knew they would remain silent, she also knew these two would push them relentlessly for details.

"Very well…" she replied, motioning to the bullpen.

"So, where is he? Who's going to have his back?" Sam began grilling for answers.

"Mr. Deeks," was all Hetty offered in way of explanation until she saw what their reactions would be.

"Deeks?" Sam asked, "Now? After all this time? Why?" Sam demanded.

"Is Marty okay?" Kensi asked as concern for her husband began to churn in her stomach.

"He is fine for the moment. They are getting close to finishing the case. Your husband should be home soon." Hetty attempted to assure the young woman.

"and G?" Sam asked defensively.

"Mr. Callen will come, as well." Hetty assured him.

"What aren't you telling us?" Sam asked.

Hetty knew what the concern was that these two held between them. The last time Callen and Deeks had ventured into a case without their partners back-up had ended in a five-year battle for the lives of both agents and the very foundation of their team.

"Mr. Deeks has settled into his character of Max Gentry a little too well for their liking."

"In other words, they've pushed him to the breaking point… AGAIN!" Sam growled angrily.

"Yes, so it would seem." Hetty confirmed with an irritated sniff.

"Callen has said time and again that Max Gentry was an alias that needed boxed up and forgotten. He was right." Sam growled.

"Why am I not going in to help him? I AM his partner. I SHOULD be the one backing him up." Kensi insisted.

"And well that may be, Miss Blye. However, it is Mr. Callen they requested." Hetty reasoned.

"Why Callen?" Sam asked simply.

"They were interested in a particular alias of Mr. Callen's," she answered.

"WHICH alias is that?" Sam asked, already dreading the answer. Callen had so many aliases at this point, it was beyond his capability to keep track of them all but so many of them were unsavory characters.

"Aiden McDaniel" was all she said in reply.

"He told me he retired that alias, Hetty. He has barely gotten things under control from his time with Blackguard, the last thing he needs is to spend time in another dark persona. Aiden McDaniel is a mean son of a … Callen hated that alias."

"Yes, I am well aware, Mr. Hanna. Unfortunately, he fits right in with this investigation."

"Which is?" Kensi asked.

"Human trafficking… which is why you, Miss Blye…"

"Which is why I can't be the one to go, I get it. But are you sure Callen should be the one going after Deeks using such a volatile alias?" Kensi's concern was evident.

"They assured me the case is nearing its completion and they should be clear to return in a week or two, at the latest."

"A WEEK? Or TWO?" Sam roared.

"Mr. Hanna, my hands are tied, neither myself or Mr. Callen were happy with the turn of events. However, Mr. Callen was not about to leave Mr. Deeks unsupported." Hetty scolded.

"I know… We need to do something about this Whiting. She's using Deeks." Sam stated angrily.

'I am well aware of her antics. I am working on a solution as we speak. Mr. Callen was quite adamant about having a discussion regarding his split loyalty between the LAPD and NCIS…" Hetty explained, "For now, however, we wait."

\- NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA -

Callen wasn't happy about any of it. The LAPD had never appreciated what they had in their shaggy haired detective and once Ellen Whiting had Deeks confession, it only got worse. Truth was, they all razzed Deeks since the beginning, but he had proved himself over and over and there wasn't one member of the team that wouldn't have his back if needed. Lord knew he'd had Callen's enough times. Now as he stood outside the bar that Max Gentry frequented, he dreaded the upcoming reunion. He had fought so hard to bury the darkness that had encompassed him for so long… having to call those demons back to the surface this soon posed a very real threat to his own psyche.

Stepping through the door, he took in the atmosphere of the place. Finding a table positioned in a dark corner, he sat down and waited, watching Max Gentry as he interacted with his surroundings. Watching how he treated women made his skin crawl as he thought of Kensi. He needed to put those thoughts and emotions away. There was no place for them in that moment.

Taking a few deep breaths, he looked down, closing his eyes, he cleared his mind of any more worries or concerns regarding their teammates left at home.

"Hey, Mister, you okay?" the scantily clad waitress asked.

As he opened his eyes and raised his head, the visage was no longer that of G Callen, but of Aiden McDaniel.

The waitress took a protective step back as she noticed the look on his face.

"How about you bring me a beer and a shot of whiskey. While you're at it, make that a double and inform Mr. Gentry that he is to join me." Callen demanded.

"Yes, sir." She replied, happy to be able to step away.

The waitress did as he instructed her. He could see her entire stance tense as she neared where Deeks was sitting. He nearly lunged out of his seat when the man slapped the woman's butt as she passed by. He knew that it was merely his alias, doing as he was instructed. Callen knew all too well the requirements of the job. His mind traveled back to previous missions involving Aiden McDaniel and numerous other characters who were all well versed in human trafficking. The first few times he was required to play those roles he learned what it felt like to truly hate himself. He hardly ate during the entire missions, knowing the fear and pain he was causing the very victims he was trying to save. The more he did it and the longer he stayed under, the less impact it appeared to have on him until it was over and he had the chance to step away from the persona. Still, there were faces and scenes he would never be able to erase from his memory. Watching Deeks now, brought each and every one of those moments to the surface… he needed to push them away till he could deal with them later. For now, they would only get in the way of what he was there to do. Until he was able to delve deeper into his alias, he couldn't easily do that. Still, there was no reason for Deeks to be so abusive right now… unless they were being watched. He, again, surveyed the room, looking for possible cameras, all the while keeping an eye on Deeks and the waitress. She quickly gathered her drinks and brought them to his table.

Slowly, Deeks lifted himself from the bar stool and made his way towards Callen. He could see the surprise on Deeks's face when he got close enough to see who was buying him his next round. Watching as he tensed, looking back to see who might be watching before returning a hardened glare on Callen.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, none too friendly.

"Is that any way to speak to your friend and business partner," Callen answered with a distinct Scottish brogue.

For the slightest of moments, pure shock registered on Deeks face before quickly throwing the shutters up into place.

"Business partner, you say?" he threw back.

Never breaking character, Callen laid his gun on the table while encouraging him to take a seat.

Surprised by the appearance of a gun, Deeks pulled the chair out and plopped down while promptly downing his shot of whiskey as Callen joined him.

Setting his glass on the table, he settled back and eyed Callen, "So, when did you decide you needed to check up on me… partner?"

Callen's eyes narrowed just slightly, "Since you never returned my calls… I don't like when my associates fail to check in with me. Makes me think they've something to hide. Do you have something to hide, Mr. Gentry?"

He could feel the anger and agitation rolling off the man.

"You didn't need to come here. I'm doing just fine," he grumbled.

Tired of the double entendre in the conversation, "Didn't I? Well, I will be the one making that decision. Finish your drink and we will take this conversation elsewhere."

"Kiss my…"

"Don't even pretend you are going to finish that sentence…" Callen growled as he took a long draw on his own beer while looking around the bar casually. He knew they were being watched and listened to and he was equally certain Deeks knew this as well. Until he got him to a neutral zone, he would have no clue as to how engrained into his psyche, Max Gentry had become.

"Fine." Slamming his now empty bottle onto the table, Deeks got up and stalked out of the bar, "Where are you parked!"

"Right out front." Callen answered with a smirk.

Walking out the front door, Deeks knew exactly what Callen was using for transportation and it pissed him off that much more. Hetty refused to allow him to even own a bike but here he was, staring at the very bike Callen had ridden on for the past five years.

"Pays to be the favorite, doesn't it?"

Callen sidled up next to him, allowing Aiden McDaniel free reign.

"Look, you cocky little bastard, I'll give you a bit of leeway but don't you go thinking I won't knock ya down a peg when you cross the line… and I'm here to tell you, you're close. Now… get your car and show me where you're staying." Callen ordered.

Deeks could tell that Callen had thoroughly stepped into his alias and he could feel, as well as see, that this one was very nearly as dangerous as the one he had just left behind. But he was equally certain that Max Gentry could rival him.

Deeks knew he wouldn't be able to lose Callen, but Max Gentry wasn't in the mood to make it easy. They tore through the city as he led him to the hole in the wall he was calling home these days. When they finally arrived, he was prepared for Callen to tear into him and was surprised to find he had taken it all in stride. If anything, he'd swear he had enjoyed the chase.

"Nice place," Callen quipped.

"Yeah, well, it's a roof over the head. Nice accent. I'm sure the ladies just love it." Deeks threw back.

"What's not to love? Blue eyes, leather jacket, sweet ride and a Scottish brogue… I'm the complete package." Callen smirked.

"Well, you don't have my hair," Deeks stated as he ran his fingers through his messy mane.

"And that's a bad thing?" Callen retorted.

Deeks allowed the slightest of smiles to grace his face.

"You know, you've missed your last few check-ins." Callen mentioned again, wasting no time.

"I've been busy." Deeks mumbled.

"You've been busy… too busy for your wife?" Callen challenged, more than a little annoyed. He could feel his alias itching to be turned loose on this Max Gentry and there were moments that Callen had been more than a little tempted to allow it, but he also knew the danger in doing just that. Someone needed to stay in control and right now, that someone was him.

Deeks saw the strain it was causing Callen to hold back. Max didn't care, but the moment Callen had mentioned Kensi, Deeks was back in control once more.

"How is she?" he asked, softly.

"Worried. Six weeks, no word, what did you expect." Callen replied, sitting down on the couch.

"I have a job to do. You know what that's like." Deeks returned, pacing the floor in front of Callen.

"You HAD a job." Callen corrected, "You are done… time to go home. I will take it from here."

"You aren't sending me home. I started this and I'm going to finish it!" Deeks growled. he had just spent the better part of two months pretending to be a part of a group of traffickers enslaving women for things he tried very hard not to think about. It was a new venture for Max. While Max was never one to see women as anything more than objects for his amusement, he had never purposely kidnapped a woman and put her in harm's way. His blood boiled at the thought. The problem was, Deeks was as angry with himself as he was with the people he came in to bring down. He really wasn't all the different from them at the moment. So many lives had been put on the line just since Deeks joined the case, and while it was necessary in order to shut the entire operation down, he wasn't at all sure he could live with what he had been forced to do.

The person standing before Callen was filled with anger and resentment and it was now clear as to who was calling the shots and that was clearly Max Gentry. Deeks rarely, if ever, challenged Callen's orders. The only way to move forward at this point was to meet him on the field.

Deeks felt Max get excited as he purposely drew out this Aiden McDaniel in order to see what he was dealing with.

Callen's facial features hardened and his energy darkened as he opened up the way for Aiden, "Let's get one thing straight, you are not in charge here. You have been ordered back to OPS… immediately.

"And I said, I'm not going back until this is finished." Deeks challenged in the form of Max.

Callen was now leaning against the window frame looking out at the scene beyond, considering his options. He began to answer when something caught his eye. "Get down!" he yelled.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER:** _I own none of the characters of NCIS LA. We just got together to have a little fun before I return them back to their rightful place all in one piece this time..._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Good Morning. Thanks to everyone who has been reading, I hope you are enjoying it. To all that are reviewing, my special thanks for your kind words. It means so much to me. I'm sorry I'm a little late with this latest chapter. It's spring and I am working like crazy in the yard. Fear not, the story is complete it simply needs minor editing and then posting. No worries. PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO LEAVE ME A REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK MIGHT HAPPEN NEXT... WHERE DO YOU THINK IT'S HEADED? I look forward to your thoughts. Have a great day and a great read._

"Wha…" Deeks began as Callen tackled him to the ground just as the front wall of their room was sprayed with gunfire.

Finally, the room fell silent but for the sound of squealing tires, far off sirens and Callen's phone ringing.

"You okay?" Callen asked, rolling away till he was sitting against the backside of the couch as he eyed Deeks carefully.

"Better than you, apparently." Deeks replied, pointing to Callen's shoulder.

Callen pulled his shirt open to check the damage, "just a graze." Again, his phone rang as he fished it from his pocket.

"Yeah, Hetty?" Callen answered, "We're fine. Was Eric able to identify who the shooters were?... great… no, he's staying with me… Hetty, trust me? I'll keep an eye on him." He said no more as he put the phone back in his pocket and turned to look at Deeks, "Grab your things… time to find a new place."

"Shouldn't we see to your shoulder?" Deeks asked with concern.

"No time… gotta go before the cops get here." Callen ordered.

Disappearing for only a minute, Deeks returned and the men headed out in search of a new place of residence. They drove around for quite some time until finally they were confident, they had lost any possible tail.

"Well, it's at least cleaner than your other place", Callen smirked. Deeks didn't argue.

"We'll take turns sleeping tonight, just in case we were followed." Callen stated as he dug through his bag and pulled out what proved to be a first aid kit.

"Need some help?" Deeks asked as Callen removed is shirt, "That's more than a simple graze, man… you need stitches."

"I'm well aware." Callen growled.

"Ok… have at it," Deeks returned in an equally angry tone, plopping down on the couch and throwing his feet up onto the coffee table, his arms crossed at his chest as he stared at the man across the room.

Callen laid out everything he would need on a towel and began to address the wound.

Deeks never ceased to be amazed by Callen's abilities, "Looks like you've done this before. You give yourself stitches often?"

"When necessary… you haven't?" Callen asked through clenched teeth as he pull the needle through the skin and pulled the thread just tight enough to hold the skin together. He would need to see about getting some topical numbing agent for his kit.

'Can't say I've had the pleasure."

"Yeah, well, you would do well to learn. A trip to the ER isn't always an option." Finishing off the last stitch, he cleaned off any remaining blood before putting a clean bandage over it.

"Impressive work," Deeks commended, having gotten up to move closer and observe, "Sam would be impressed."

"No, Sam would be pissed because I didn't tell Hetty and go get help. Which is why THIS never happened." Callen hissed as he pushed the plunger on the antibiotic he'd just injected.

"Right… operation keep the big guy in the dark… check. So, now what, boss." Deeks asked as he walked to the window and peeked out through the blinds.

"Now? Now, we end this thing." Callen responded, lowly.

Deeks shoulder's tensed as he looked back in surprise at just how quickly Callen's voice took on the menacing Scottish brogue of Aiden McDaniel. What didn't surprise him was the resurgence of Max Gentry. Friendly banter now aside, the two men were all business.

"Let's get one thing straight," Callen started, his accent well in place, "We do this? I am in charge, you work for me. You do what I tell you, that clear?"

"For now. We will do things your way, for now." Deeks replied gruffly.

The tension in the room was thick… but neither were prepared for the challenges ahead. The case was not near as clear cut as Callen had been led to believe. And so, what was supposed to be one week quickly turned into three. They dealt with the mess the case had become, at no fault of their own. More than once Callen and Deeks or rather Aiden and Max had come to blows over what needed to be done. While Callen was easily consumed by the alias he played, he was also able to separate himself from it long enough to see things in perspective… something Deeks had ceased being able to do.

Both men were mentally and physically exhausted by the time they finished.

Agent whiting began walking over towards Deeks when Callen intercepted her, "I wouldn't, if I were you."

"Excuse me? I need to debrief Martin Deeks," she stated flatly, moving to step around him.

Again, Callen blocked her, "I said, not now. He will be debriefed, but not by you," he growled lowly, every bit of his strength being used to hold his own anger in check… anger over Whiting's abuse of the LAPD liaison, as well as, the very thin tether reigning in his alias. Both men needed time to decompress. Callen wasn't done with Whiting, but it would wait for another day. For today, he would leave her with a warning as she once again attempted to bypass him.

Grabbing her arm none too gently, he leaned in, "I'm not telling you again. You and I are done here. Deeks is beyond done. We will debrief back at the offices of NCIS, where I can assure you, your incompetence in running an undercover op and there by risking the safety of the undercover agent will be well documented for your superiors."

"Are you threatening me" she hissed.

Callen gave a cold smirk in return, "No, not a threat… It's a guarantee of what's gonna happen."

"Deeks is not an NCIS Agent, no matter what he pretends. He works for us… I'd think twice about how you treat me or I could see to it he gets pulled back to LAPD permanently." She sneered, "or worse."

Callen seethed, "If I were going to threaten you… it would sound something like this, you better back off. You under estimate the amount of people backing Martin Deeks…. As well as their ability to find every dirty little detail of every single mission you have ever been on. We are done here… for now… but you and I? We have things to talk about. I suggest you think long and hard before you cause any further issues for any member of my team and let me make this unmistakably clear… Deeks is a part of that team.

He let go of her arm then and turned to join Deeks.

Deeks said nothing at first as Callen rejoined him. He had no idea what was said by either individual but gauging by the look on Whiting's face, it wasn't pleasant and looking at Callen it was clear he held little respect for the woman.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?" Callen answered.

"Nothing. Just seemed like a heated conversation is all," Deeks replied.

Is there any other kind with her?" Callen asked simply, "Let's get out of here."

"Yeah, sure. I'm ready to be home." Deeks agreed.

"I wasn't suggesting home… yet." Callen stated.

"Callen, you said yourself, my wife is waiting for me. I need to see her." Deeks persisted.

"I realize you want to see her but maybe we should just…"

Growing more frustrated by the minute, Deeks interrupted, his voice showcasing his rising temper, "I get that you have no one to go home to but I do," he retorted.

If Callen felt the sting from his remark, he didn't show it other than a quick flash of anger that flitted across his face.

"Right. Okay, the bar it is. They should all be there by now. Get your car and I'll meet you there." Callen's reply was short as he grabbed his bike helmet.

Once Callen saw Deeks start his car and heard the rev of the engine, he took off down the road toward the bar… or for him, home. He figured the team would be gathering there about now. He would have preferred to be anywhere but there. Deeks was right, he had no one in particular to go home to but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. No one deserved to deal with his crap as he attempted to box away aliases like Aiden McDaniel. He wasn't going to lie and say the remark didn't hurt but he knew Martin Deeks and he understood who Max Gentry was and Max was still very much in control. That was probably what concerned him most at the moment.

Deeks watched as Callen sped his bike down the road and he could feel the resentment prickle at all his nerves. Still, somewhere, deep down, he felt remorse for the harsh words of moments prior. They were out before he could stop them and spoken with such venom. Though Callen appeared to be unphased by them, he knew better, but Max wasn't the sentimental sort and pushing him back to where he belonged, in the dark recesses of his mind was proving difficult. He needed Kensi. Once he was back with his "Fern" he'd be fine… he hoped.

Deeks pulled into the bar's parking lot just as Callen was placing his helmet on the bike. He quickly parked and moved to catch up with the man.

Entering, they found the entire team sitting at the bar laughing and joking when Kensi spotted them.

"Hey! Babe, are you okay?" she cried, moving quickly from behind the bar.

Deeks returned her hug and kiss as Callen found his way to the bar and sat down next to Sam, gratefully accepting the offered beer.

"Welcome back, G" Sam offered.

"Good to be back." He replied distractedly.

"You sure about that? You don't sound too convincing… everything okay?" Sam asked.

"Everything is fine." Callen answered as he kept a watchful eye on Deeks.

Sam's gaze followed that of Callen's and he chuckled, "Wishing you'd had that to come home to?"

"What?" Callen asked, confused at first. Realizing what Sam was hinting at, "No, no, THAT is not in the cards for me," he answered.

"Okay, so what is so interesting over there? I KNOW it ain't Deeks! Or is it?" Sam asked curiously.

"Just a little concerned," Callen swigged down his beer as Deeks made his way over.

Sam said no more as he considered the admission. He was well aware of Deeks's alias, Max Gentry. Deeks was always more volatile following the use of said alias. He understood his friend's concern. In fact, he shared that concern. Only for Sam, it was not just about Deeks but for his partner as well. He was surprised to find Callen here at all, as he normally disappeared for several days when he'd had to use one of his more abrasive aliases. He shot a quick glance toward Hetty as she sat contemplating over her scotch. He noticed then; it wasn't just Callen eyeing Deeks.

"Well, Fern, I say we take this homecoming… well, home." Deeks stated, slapping Kensi firmly on the butt, taking her completely by surprise.

Callen bristled at the move but said nothing.

"Marty, aren't you hungry? I was fixing you and Callen a bite to eat."

"Yeah, Marty, your mom hasn't seen you for a while either. Why don't you eat something first and then we can go? I need to help her close first." Kensi urged. She didn't like what she was seeing in her husband. He was behaving totally out of character. She shot a glance at Callen and saw the intensity in his stare… he wasn't any happier.

"I'm hungry alright, but it ain't for Roast and potatoes. Come on darlin', mama is the manager for a reason. I know, maybe Callen here can help her… it's not like anyone is waiting up for him and besides he owes her… she cooks him breakfast every day…"

"Deeks!" Kensi cried out.

"What? I'm just stating the truth, am I right, Sam? The ladies just can't help but want to take care of him… Michelle, Hetty, My mother, Kensi's mom… You telling me it didn't grow old? There had to be time you'd wished he'd just stop trying to insinuate himself into your family."

"Step down, man." Sam warned, taken back by the crudeness in his remarks. Now he understood Callen's concern… and now he found himself even more concerned for his partner and friend. He knew how Callen felt about having people help him. He could only imagine what was going through his mind now… especially regarding Michelle.

"That's enough, Mr. Deeks."

Deeks turned a hard gaze on Hetty.

"Fern… get your stuff, I'm ready to go."

"Just let me finish…"

Deeks grabbed her wrist and pulled her roughly against him. Holding her tighter as she attempted to pull back in shock. Kensi didn't take kindly to the chauvinistic behavior… but this was her husband and he had been gone for quite a while. She knew he needed to settle back into their life together. That aside, even she was surprised by how cruel he was being to Callen… it wasn't like her Marty to be so mean… but Max? Max was another story. Max was mean and calculating. Panic began to rise, her heart rate increased… One thing was for certain, if this was indeed Max Gentry, she wasn't going anywhere until things were settled.

Enough was enough. Callen had bit his tongue and clamped down on the rise of his own demons.

Hetty put a hand on Callen's forearm, feeling the tension rippling through his muscles, "Hold, Mr. Callen."

"Detective Deeks. We need to talk." A voice from the door.

"Oh, Bugger," Hetty murmured under her breath, "We really must do something about that woman."


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Hello! Happy Sunday to you. Well, I hope you are still enjoying this story. Would love to hear from more of you! Thank you so much for all those reading and a special thanks for all the reviews. They mean bunches to me. Here's your next chapter. Let me know what you think._

"Not now, Whiting. Can't you see, I'm busy?" Deeks grated out.

"I'm afraid this will have to wait until we are done here, Detective." Whiting persisted.

Deeks stare darkened, "You know what? I don't think so. Hey, here's an idea? You can chit chat with Callen over there. We were just discussing how he doesn't have a life… and I'm sure by the time you are done you will be head over heal for him like all the other women."

"I highly doubt that," Whiting responded, "Besides, it is you I need to speak with, Deeks."

"That's too bad. I am very busy or at least I will be just as soon as I get the little woman home. Now, if you will excuse us." Deeks forcefully urged Kensi towards the entrance.

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty called out in a sing song voice.

"Not now Hetty! It's after hours. What I do now is my business and you need to keep your nose out of it." Deeks growled angrily.

"Martin Deeks! What has gotten into you?! That is NOT how you were raised to speak to others." Roberta responded in surprise.

"Mom, let's not pretend my childhood was picture perfect. You weren't exactly Carol Brady, now were you?"

Roberta stepped back in surprise. She had thought they had moved past all that.

Callen watched the hurt look cross her face and his blood boiled. He was waiting for Kensi to have enough and knock the man on his butt. Neither Max nor Deeks were equipped to take her in battle and Callen wasn't the only one who realized that, but Kensi remained silent and immobile almost in shock at her husband's behavior.

"Come on, Fern… home," Deeks ordered, taking her arm with a none too gentle tug.

That was it. Callen knew it wasn't Deeks they were dealing with… it was Max and there was only one way to deal with him. Letting the cold icy anger of the Ghost fill his veins and creep into every crevice of his visage, he rose from his stool and moved so quickly it took them all by surprise.

"Let her go." He commanded, leaving no room for error as to who they were dealing with… there was no mistaking the voice of his deadliest alias.

Sam moved to intervene when Hetty raised her hand to stop him.

"Who are you to tell me what to do? Last I checked, this here is my wife and none of your business!" Deeks returned, his grip growing tighter, standing toe to toe… Max Gentry and the Renegades Ghost, a deadly mix all told.

"Callen, it's okay. I've got this… he won't hurt me."

"That's right… so long as she's a good little girl and does as she's told." He stated tauntingly.

At that, Callen had had all he could take of Max Gentry. Launching himself at Deeks he pinned him to the wall, effectively separating him from Kensi, who quickly moved into Roberta's arms. This was a side of Callen Roberta had never seen and it took her back.

Sam remained ready to step in if needed. He was more than a little alarmed at the quick resurgence of this deadly alias. But he also knew it may be the only one that could get past Max Gentry to reach their Deeks.

"I have had about all of Max Gentry as I am going to take!" Callen's voice was low and menacing. 'Max' attempted to fight back. "I've watched as you've disrespected woman after woman this week and I'm done. You don't get to come back here and disrespect THESE women, you get ME?! They are under my protection. You so much as raise a hand to your wife… mistreat your mother or disrespect Hetty and I will make you regret it!"

But Deeks wasn't having it. Max had been wanting a shot at the "Ghost" and now was finally his chance. He was looking forward to showing the "Ghost" a few moves of his own… What should have been a quick wake-up call quickly transformed into an all-out brawl. Deeks pushed back and gained enough footing to take a swing at Callen, hitting him on the side of the head effectively knocking him off balance. That was all Max needed to feed his desire for a fight… he left no chance for a quick comeback but launched himself at his opponent. He got in two more strikes before the "Ghost" turned on him and came back with a vengeance. As Max began to throw another punch, Ghost grabbed hold and threw a series of punches before throwing the man down onto a table smashing it to the floor. Max wasn't finished he was only getting started…

Sam was a bit confused as to why Hetty was preventing him from intervening. These two could easily cause quite a bit of damage, not only to the bar but to each other. However, Hetty knew who the stronger fighter was in this case. On an average day in the gym. Callen would still, undoubtedly, take Deeks but only because Callen was trained in many more forms of battle than Deeks. Deeks was younger and that might be the thing that kept him in the game. She was willing to let it play out for the time being… in the end, though, she knew who would ultimately win. It was what needed to happen in order for Deeks to finally return to the fold.

The back and forth had created quite a mess and Callen once more had Deeks pinned to the wall. He nearly growled when next he spoke, "Kensi isn't your woman, she is your WIFE, Roberta isn't your old lady, she is your MOTHER, and Hetty is your BOSS, pull it together before you have nothing left but regrets," the energy flowing through him was more than Callen knew what to do with in that moment and the only thing he could do to save harming his friend was to expel some of it. The tension in the room was stifling as they watched the two men stare each other down as finally Callen let loose and slammed his fist into the wall next to Deeks head in an effort to tamp down on the anger flowing through him. He simply needed to force Deeks to regain control over his alias.

With one last attempt to push Callen back, Deeks stopped dead in his tracks as he registered the fist flying at him. He blinked several times before looking at the faces of his team mates and friends… the look of fear and concern on the faces of his wife and mother. It was then he realized the damage they had done to his bar.

Callen felt the shift but didn't immediately let go. The rest of the team had done stints undercover but not to the degree of Deeks and Callen. They had taken on characters who had to be rough and do things that went against their core belief for the greater good… things that stayed with you long after the mission ended and after a while those aliases became like a second skin… hard to push back and as time went on even they could get confused as to which one they truly were anymore. "You back now?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm back… I just…"

"I get it." Callen assured him as he too reigned in 'The Ghost'… which was the nickname given his alias during the course of his time with Blackguard. He left it stand rather than give it a proper name. It had more than enough control on him as it was. "Now, do you see why I didn't think we should come back just yet?"

Deeks ran a hand through his unruly mop as he registered what had taken place.

Pulling back from Callen as he looked around at the others. He put his hands up in surrender when Kensi tried to step closer, only to have Deeks back away.

"No, I… I need some time… to think," he stated as he shot out the door.

Sam and Kensi both began to follow when Hetty called them back. "Leave him go. He'll come back when he's settled things a bit."

Callen turned his agitation on Ellen Whiting who stood near the door she had come in, almost in a state of shock at what she had just witnessed. "THIS… this is on you! You play with him like he is a chess piece… You use him to do your dirty work with little care to what it is doing to him. WELL, I'm here to tell you, it stops now!" Callen reached into his pocket and pulled out a thumb drive and handed it to the woman, "This right here… is enough to end your career. Now, all you have to do is lose any and all information you THINK you have on Detective Martin Deeks and this all goes away… but I so much as sniff that you are meddling with him or any other member of MY team and I will take you down till you won't even be allowed to give parking tickets, do I make myself clear?" Callen's voice was deep and threatening, his stance… intimidating.

The woman's face paled… she knew exactly what he had found and while she couldn't figure out how he had found it, she knew he was telling the truth, her career would be over. Taking a deep breath, she attempted to stand firm against him as she took the drive from his hand, she knew her voice shook as she spoke, only proving that he had truly won. "Fine, but just let me remind you that he is NOT a member of your team, Agent Callen, he is a member of the LAPD… and as such, you don't get to decide what he does or does not do. So, I would watch my step if I were you."

Callen stepped toward the woman only to have her back away, wary of the glint she saw in his eyes. "Your time with Deeks is running short, if I have anything to say about it. Now, you may have first call on his time but let me make myself very clear here… he will NEVER go undercover for you again without another member of this team going in with him and MAX GENTRY is retired. I so much as hear rumors that you are asking him to reprise that alias and I will come for you… Do not test me on this… you know what is on there and I will not hesitate to use it."

The woman just stared at Callen with a mixture of hate and fear, neither of which phased him in the least. Without another word she skirted past him and left them all standing there uncertain of what to do next.

"Mr. Callen, are you injured?" Hetty asked as Callen looked over at her, his eyes dark, his body tense.

"I'm fine." He answered gruffly before walking to his stool and picking up his beer before heading toward the stairs to his room. "I will clean the mess up tomorrow, night," was all he said as he disappeared, never looking anyone in the eye.

"Hetty!" We need to find Marty." Kensi urged, frantic over the mental state of her husband.

"Trust me when I say, now is not the time. Let him have some time to sort himself out." Hetty responded, taking stock of the team assembled around the bar before letting her eyes, momentarily, travel toward the staircase… her concern obvious.

"She's right, honny. Martin will come back once he figures out whatever is going on in that head of his. I am assuming that whatever is going on with my son is also what is happening with Callen?" Roberta asked, surprising everyone by her sudden calmness.

"Indeed", Hetty replied, "I find your easy acceptance of this situation admirable."

"Oh, don't go giving me too much credit, now. I don't think any of this is healthy for either of these boys, nor those that care about either of them… but I understand what drives them," Roberta explained, turning to Kensi, "Do you want to stay with me tonight?"

Kensi gave the woman a hug and smiled sweetly as she answered predictably, "Thanks, but I think I need to be at home when he comes back. I'll be okay."

"Well, alright, but you call if you need me and let me know when he comes home." Roberta replied.

"I will. Now, what needs done yet?" Kensi asked, looking around, suddenly feeling exhausted by the events of the day.

"Oh, you go on, I'll finish up." Roberta urged while casting a glance at Hetty.

"You sure? I can stay. This isn't easy for you either." Kensi offered.

"You know me… I'm better off keeping busy." Roberta encouraged.

"If you're sure, I think I'm going to head home." Kensi gave her a hug before saying her goodbyes to the rest of the team.

As the door closed, Hetty urged the others to head home.

"What was on that thumb drive?" Sam asked, assuming it was Hetty or the tech duo who had given it to him.

Eric and Nell both shook their head to confirm they had no part in it and Hetty shrugged, "I have no idea, Sam… This is all on Callen… taking care of HIS team." She allowed a small smile to grace her face as she remembered how he had referenced 'his' team when speaking with the woman.

"Mr. Hanna?" Hetty asked as Sam headed for the stairs to Callen's apartment, "Not tonight, I think."

"Hetty…"

"Sam…"

With a heavy sigh, Sam complied and bade the remaining two occupants goodnight.

"Well, I guess it's my turn to say goodnight," Hetty looked to Roberta.

"Hetty, not yet." Roberta stated as she set a glass of scotch on the bar in way of invitation.


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _ Hello again. Thank you so very very much for all the lovely reviews. You have no idea how much they mean to me. I hope more and more of my readers will feel encouraged to leave a note of their own. Tell me what you think is coming down the road in this story. Tell me how you think it's coming along... do you hear the voice of the characters when you read it? I hope so. I try hard to stay in character with them. While much is different in the version I write to what the show's writers do... one thing always remains the same... the character's we have all come to love... and for some characters... we love to hate. _

_Thank you all for reading. Here's the next chapter. I did a bit of "adjusting" what I had intended... my brain is starting to rumble with ideas... so I put it in and read over it but please forgive me if I missed any errors in grammar or spelling. I do try to make the reading clean and clear. OKAY OKAY… shoo, go read... go review._

"Very well… what is this about?" Hetty asked, taking a seat.

"You send this team out on these missions. How do you deal with knowing they are always in danger or that they may come back damaged like Martin and Callen? How do you remain so calm about it all?" Robert asked pointedly.

Hetty took careful consideration of the question asked, as well as, the woman who asked it. Her mind drifted back to those they had lost: Agents Sullivan, Dominic Vale, Lauren Hunter, Harley Hidoko, Michelle Hanna, Laura Macy, Owen Granger… the list just kept growing and Hetty's heart ached with the thought of each.

Roberta could see the loss in the older woman's eyes but remained silent.

"I take this job very seriously." Hetty started softly, accepting the offered scotch, "I know that every time I send them out there may be the one time they don't all come back alive." She paused briefly, raising her glass in respectful silence for those now gone. Then she sat the cup down and turned her gaze on Roberta. "But I also know that this is one of, if not, THE finest well-trained teams in this business and I have taught them to trust that training… so, I must as well.

"All the training in the world is no guarantee," Roberta challenged as only a mother could.

Hetty smiled, "You aren't wrong, I'm afraid. I have been in this business a very long time and I have attended my fair share of funerals… but at the end of the day, we accept these risks when we take this job. I assure you, these people are more family than co-workers. They watch out for each other and I am very careful about the assignments they go on. But even the most mundane hold the risk of danger. Your son is a good man and his is good at what he does. The team he joined… they have his back. A team lead by one of the best in the business, even if he, himself, doesn't necessarily believe it." Hetty trailed off then as she finished the last of her drink before continuing, "There are none who are promised tomorrow. We realize this better than most and as such, welcome that realization with the knowledge that when we die, we die in the service of others. I think that is a fair exchange, don't you?" With that, Hetty took her leave.

Roberta stood thinking on Hetty's last words and her eyes were drawn to the floor of the upstairs apartment. The more she learned of the life they led, the more she struggled. She was used to worrying about her son and then his wife … and Sam had family that worried after him… but the man that now paced the floor above had no family to worry after him. She'd heard there was a half-sister and a nephew but she'd also heard that Callen had shut the door on the relationship in order to keep her safe. Of all of them, Callen had the most enemies and the smallest support unit. The mothering instinct reared up whenever she thought on it. Determined, she grabbed the first aid box and headed up the stairs.

He heard a soft wrap on the door and at first considered ignoring it. He was in no mood for a sit down with Sam, though he had doubts as to whether it would be him or Hetty. Hetty knew better than to bother him after a case like this. She knew he needed time to deal with things… Sam was not the same person he was before Michelle died. He was harsher and more reserved in many ways. He knew it wasn't Eric or Nell. Even though he knew they cared about what happened with him, he also knew he scared them. While he found that fact troubling there was that part of him that lived just beneath the surface, always itching to be in control…. That entity reveled in the knowledge. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he headed for the door, curious as to who it was. Whoever it was, wasn't going to go away, that much was obvious. "Roberta? What are you still doing here?" Callen stated, opening the door, "You've normally gone home by now."

"I thought maybe you could use a helping hand." She stated, holding up the first aid box.

"I'm fine." He replied.

"I'm sure… but since I've already climbed the stairs…" she stated; her eyebrow raised for emphasis.

Knowing that to argue would be a lost cause, he stood aside and let the woman in.

She entered the apartment and looked around. Little else had been added since he had moved in. Either he owned little or he was uncharacteristically neat. Military training taught that, she supposed.

"So, do we need to get an x-ray?" she asked, her voice matter of fact.

"It's not broken, I'll be fine," he answered.

"This an expert opinion?" she grinned at him as she pointed to a dining chair.

"Let's just say, it's not the first time." He replied.

"So, you make a habit of punching walls?" she inquired as she inspected the damage to his hand. She remembered a Christmas long ago now, where he had punched a wall then. He had an anger that burned in him that worried her… more for himself than those around him. He was a good man, of that she had no doubt. He would allow himself to self-destruct before hurting those he cared about.

"Not JUST walls," he chuckled.

"Ah," was her only response.

"Speaking of that hole in the wall, I'm sorry…" he began.

"Oh, don't worry about that. A well-placed picture and no one will be the wiser.

"Still, it's my fault… I will make it right." Callen affirmed.

Roberta stopped what she was doing and looked at him curiously.

"You do what you need to. Well, it appears you are still in one piece. Looks like we just need to clean it up a bit, put some antibiotic ointment on it and a clean bandage over it for the night," she advised to his nod of consent.

She busied herself with the job at hand, amazed at the lack of reaction on his part to her actions…

"Marty's going to be okay," Callen stated quietly.

Not looking up from her work, she sighed inwardly as she responded.

"And you know this, how?"

"I know him. I know what he's going through. Marty is good at his job. He just needs time to regroup." Callen replied.

"What job?" she asked as she glanced quickly at him, "The make believe from hell?"

Callen couldn't stop the chuckle that rose in response and noticed the corners of her mouth twitch upwards as well.

"Something like that… he just needs time to decompress… a day or two and he will be back to normal. Or at least as normal as Deeks get." Callen explained with a smirk.

"And you? Was this..." she pointed to his bruised hand before indicating she wanted to see his ribs as she continued, "you decompressing?"

"Maybe… Usually I take a few days after a mission like this, to put the alias away." He replied, choosing to ignore her unspoken request.

"And this time?" she asked curiously, now raising her brows in way of warning as she again pointed to his ribs.

"Marty wanted to come straight home to Kensi. I advised against it. It's his first time on a mission this long since before they married. Dynamics change when others are involved," he reasoned.

"Is that why you push everyone away… to avoid collateral damage?" Roberta urged.

Callen shuffled nervously, "We about done here?" he asked, avoiding her question.

Roberta knew better than to push, "Not until I see those ribs, now lift the shirt."

"Look, I was just going to bed when you knocked, I assure you, I'm fine." he lied.

"Mhm… I'm sure," Roberta patted his arm, "Stop stalling."

With a heavy sigh he acquiesced and allowed her to finish her ministrations. Once she was satisfied that they were simply bruised she looked directly into his eyes.

I'll be back in the morning to fix you breakfast. If you need anything, you have my number… call me."

"You don't need to worry…" Callen began.

"Then don't make me. 7 o'clock, in the bar," she stated.

"Yes, mam." To argue meant it would be that much longer before he got the quiet he so craved and besides he rarely won his arguments with her.

"Good boy. Now don't make yourself out to be a liar… go to bed and get some sleep," Roberta smiled sweetly and headed back down to the bar.

After she left the apartment, Callen stayed put, just looking around the room. He was looking for nothing, yet something. He knew what was awaiting him the moment he closed his eyes and regardless of Roberta's admonishments, that was the last thing he wanted right now… so yes, he was looking for something… something to anchor him to the present… something to save him from the torment that awaited. He could only hope Deeks would be so lucky.

Unfortunately, that was not the case. While he found no peace from his own torment, Deeks did find a bar to spend the night in. That is, he stayed until he had hit his limit and out stayed his welcome when Max, once again reared up and started a fight… from that point on he would find his memory for the rest of the night, foggy. All he knew for sure was that the brief moments of clarity he did find, reminded him of all the reasons he couldn't go home and face his wife, his mother, and Hetty. He wasn't at all sure he wanted a run in with Callen either. Callen had warned him repeatedly what he would do to him if he ever hurt Kensi and he believed him.

NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA

Early the next morning, Callen had just come out of his bathroom freshly showered and dressed for the day. He knew Hetty didn't expect him but decided since he was already back, he might as well work.

Just as he entered the living room he heard Kensi at the door.

"Callen! Callen, I know you're not asleep so open up!" she yelled, clearly upset.


	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this new chapter._

Callen could hear Roberta attempting to calm Kensi down.

Opening his door, the two women burst into the room.

"What's going on? What's happened?" he asked, checking Kensi over in concern, "Has Deeks hurt you? Where is he?"

"What? No! He hasn't hurt me! He'd never hurt me… Besides, he'd have to come home first… I don't know where he is. I've tried calling, but he turned his phone off. He was so upset when he left. If you hadn't jumped on him, maybe he wouldn't have run off," Kensi shouted.

Both women saw the dark shadow of hurt cross his face before he became all business.

"You don't understand Kensi. Deeks would never hurt you. Max Gentry on the other hand… he is no prince. Women are mere objects to him… something to be used and abused. That wasn't Deeks last night. THAT was Max Gentry." Callen pressed.

Kensi simply stared blankly back at Callen, a tear resting precariously at the rim of her eye, "I'm worried, Callen. I'm scared for him. Why didn't you go after him? He shouldn't be out there all alone! You know how much trouble Max Gentry is… any number of things could have happened to him last night!"

Callen's features softened then as he put a hand gently on her arm, "Kensi, I'm sure he's fine."

"How can he be? You SAW him! How can you be so sure?" Kensi asked, unconvinced.

Callen bit down hard on the emotion he had coursing through him. No matter what they said, their actions screamed something entirely different. "Do you have his go bag in the car?" he asked stiffly.

Taken off guard, Kensi answered uncertainly, "Yes, why?"

"I'm going to need it… and I'm going to need a few days… but I will bring him back." Callen assured her.

Kensi heard something in his voice she hadn't heard since his time with Renegades… and it bothered her.

"Callen… I'm not blaming YOU, I swear. Please don't think that, I'm just worried about Deeks."

"It's fine, Kens. I get it. You're right, I should have gone with him. Go get his bag and I'll be ready to leave in a few minutes," Callen had put his hands lightly on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes, "It's not as bad as you think he simply need space to deal with Gentry and put him away. I will bring him back. Tell Hetty, I've gone to get Marty and we'll be back in a few days."

"Okay. Thank you, Callen," Kensi replied as she headed back down the steps.

Callen turned to grab his keys when Roberta stepped in his path, taking him by surprise.

"I guess I'll have to take a rain check on that breakfast," he quipped as he moved to step around the woman, "Is there a problem? I mean, I would think you'd be eager for me to get going and bring your son home."

"I am…" she responded.

"Alright then…" again Callen began to move when Roberta put her hand on his chest to stop him. Callen looked down at her hand then looked to her eyes, confused, "Roberta… if you want to yell at me too, it can wait until I get back. I will make sure to pencil it in." he stated smartly.

"Listen to me, I may not have known you long but I understand you. What you NEED to understand is, that girl has one thought in her head and that is for her husband. There is no amount of training that can stop that worry for the other half of your heart." Roberta stated.

"Yes, actually there is," Callen began arguing when she increased the pressure of her hand on his chest causing him to roll his eyes and sigh but he respectfully remained silent as she continued.

"I don't want to hear it. My point is, don't take her tone to heart. She cares about you. She wasn't accusing you of anything. You hear me? Your first instinct as a leader is to accept blame for anything that happens to your team. That's what makes you such a great leader. Their first instinct is to look to you for the solution… because they know you won't let them down… not willingly. Remember what I told you before you moved in here?"

Callen didn't respond.

"Family loves you all the time. They may not always like you or the choices you make, but they will always love you. The same could be said for a leader. This team may not always agree with your decisions as lead, but they respect you… enough to follow you regardless because they trust you not to put their lives in danger needlessly. These people love and respect you. You have a strength that few do. You are able to take the beating and not show the pain. But I see it, young man. I know the cost… so, you bring my boy home… just make sure you come with him. You hear what I'm saying?" Roberta said as she patted his chest as if to impress upon him the importance of her request as she held up his keys with her other hand.

Accepting the keys, he looked at the woman and for the briefest of moments, he let down his guard until he heard Kensi calling from the steps. He offered a brief yet small smile before allowing all the shutters to clatter into place as he followed Kensi's voice down the stairs. With a sad sigh, Roberta followed along behind.

Kensi would never admit it, but she'd unwittingly overheard the last part of her mother-in-law's conversation with Callen. She was thankful that Roberta had taken to caring after their friend. Despite the protests she heard from him from time to time… she could see the way he had allowed her into his world. She knew Deeks had had to deal with a bit of jealousy in the way Roberta mothered Callen, but he had soon come to appreciate what it had done for their team lead.

What struck home was the realization that she'd once again put the blame for what happened with Deeks squarely on his shoulders. The very thing that chased him away before. She saw his reaction and she knew she needed to fix it.

Callen entered the bar and went straight to Kensi, startling her from her thoughts.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. I promise," Callen assured her, taking the go bag with her husband's belongings from her hands.

She smiled then, "I know, because G Callen never breaks his promises."

"Not if I can help it." He gave her an uncertain smile as he shot a quick look back at Roberta then Kensi before heading out the door.

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Deeks mind spun. 'What had happened back there… that wasn't him. He would never demean Kensi… his mom and… OH MAN, Hetty! The things he said and did… How could he go back and look them in the eye knowing how he had behaved? Callen was sure to kick him off the team this time. He was lucky he didn't do to him what he'd done to the wall.' It was then he realized that wasn't Callen last night who threw him to the wall… all the more reason to be thankful he stopped with the wall. He leaned forward pulling his feet up till he could rest his head against his knees with a sigh.

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Callen looked in a lot of Deeks's old haunts and when that proved fruitless, he turned to his own. He drove to Venice Beach, his go to place for disappearing. He walked the boardwalk to no avail, he then turned to the beach, itself.

His last thought for the day was the pier or rather … under the pier. He had hidden there many times when he was a kid… it wasn't maybe the safest place but no one that mattered would go there. It was the perfect place for him… he figured about now… Deeks was probably feeling the same way.

"I hope you thought to look before you sat." Callen stated as he leaned against one of the pier's pylons.

"What… you afraid of needles or something?" Deeks smirked.

"Touche'" Callen replied, looking around, always on alert, "When's the last time you ate?"

Finally, Deeks looked up, "Don't know."

"Hmm, how long have you been down here?"

Deeks looked around then before shrugging, "Don't know."

Callen looked away in thought for a moment, "Right, okay well, come on."

"Come on? Where?" Deeks asked suspiciously.

"I have a place in mind, but hey, we can walk first," Callen offered, not willing to push the man.

"Okay." Deeks agreed, "I could stretch my legs a bit."

"Just be careful getting up. I do not want to have to explain to Hetty how you managed to get stuck with a dirty needle."

"Hetty? Hetty sent you?" Deeks stopped moving.

Callen stopped and turned around, eyeing Deeks. "No. No one sent me. What are you so scared of? Hetty? Why? I mean, besides the obvious…" Callen chuckled.

"Funny… no reason," Deeks replied sharply.

'And there you are.' Callen though inwardly. He'd been waiting to see just how long it would take for Gentry to resurface. 'Not long.'

"Come on… let's walk."

"Take yourself for a walk…" Deeks growled.

With a sigh, Callen lessened his reign on his own alter ego, "Is that really how you want to play this Deeks? Because I have no problem dragging your sorry self all the way to the car, kicking and screaming if necessary. I would love nothing more than to have a willing punching bag." He threatened.

Deeks was already back in control and well aware that Callen meant every word he'd just said. As much as he had no doubt Max Gentry would give him a run for his money, he had no desire to play that game.

"Fine, where are we walking to?" Deeks asked finally, as they emerged unscathed from under the pier. The sun had long gone down.

"When did it get so late?" he asked, surprised by his loss of time.

"Come on, we'll walk the boardwalk first before we head to the car."

"And what about mine?" Deeks asked.

"What about your what? You left the bar on foot. You okay? You didn't hit your head while horsing around under the pier?" Callen asked with concern.

"Oh, that's right," Deeks chuckled nervously, "guess I forgot."

By the time they reached the boardwalk, it was deserted.

"This place is creepy at night." Deeks stated looking around.

Callen smirked into the darkness. "I used to walk this every night when I lived here… even as a kid. It's peaceful."

"Of course, you'd think that. Didn't the desolation scare you even a little? I mean, who knows who could have been lurking in the shadows." Deeks asked.

"If you don't care, it doesn't bother you so much." The answer was non-chalant, yet took Deeks by surprise.

"You seem shocked at the fact that I was so cavalier about survival," Callen stated, "you telling me you never felt that way?"

After thinking a moment, he replied, "Once or twice I suppose… but you make it sound like you feel that way even today."

It was Callen's turn to shrug, "I don't actively go looking for my demise, if that's what you mean,"

"Good to hear," Deeks returned, slightly relieved.

"I'm simply at peace with the inevitability of it, that's all. I know what I'm capable of and if the day comes that I do battle with someone better, so be it. Between you and me… I never expected I'd live this long," Callen's admission was no less surprising.

"Callen, you know we have your back, right? I mean, not just out there in the field but all the time," Deeks stated reassuringly.

"Which is no doubt why I'm still here. I suppose I should thank you," Callen replied sarcastically. He couldn't help thinking of Kensi's reaction to things that morning. He knew what Roberta stated was true but there was more to it than that. He wasn't at all sure she truly trusted him… he reckoned that was his fault because there was a time when she would never have doubted him… or so he thought. Something to consider at a later point. Perhaps they hadn't made as much progress as he had thought.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they continued their walk.

"So, you ran around down here as a kid?" It wasn't often Callen was willing to share, so when he was, Deeks took advantage in order to better understand their friend and team lead.

"Easy place to blend in when you don't want to be found," came his reply.

Deeks only nodded as he contemplated all he knew, which wasn't much. They all had their secrets… he did… but Callen was only a few behind Hetty on the scale of mysterious pasts.

"So, keep walking to the Santa Monica Pier or get food?" Callen offered as a way of changing the subject. No doubt, Marty Deeks would have made a good lawyer had he chosen to stay the course. He was a charmer and he knew when and how to ask questions. For the most part he didn't trust those kinds of people but Deeks was genuine, so conversations like this, he would allow a few bread crumbs of information to slip.

"Oh, I could eat and we should probably get back," Deeks offered.

"We aren't going back right now," Callen admitted.

"What?" Deeks squeaked, "where, exactly, are we going?"

"You'll see," was all Callen allowed as he slid into the car.

"I'll see… this is it, he's gonna kill me," Deeks muttered into the night air.

"Get in, Deeks."


	7. Chapter 7

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Here's the deal. I would normally wait another day before posting again... but my brain is spinning for want of another story to work on. I'm working on a story for ARROW but NCIS LA doesn't let go. ha. Only problem... __**I need a storyline to sink my brain into**__... I'm looking for ideas people... otherwise... this one is finishing up in just a few chapters and I have nothing new on the horizon... soooo, if you have any ideas... drop them in the review box there at the bottom. This should come as no surprise that Callen is my favorite character. That said... I try to involve all characters in my stories... I'm intrigued with building this interesting friendship between Callen and Deeks. __**IDEAS NEEDED!**_

It started to become clear where they were going and the closer they got, the more nervous he became.

"Deeks… what's wrong with you?" Callen demanded.

"I thought you said Hetty didn't send you." Deeks replied.

"She didn't."

"Then why are we going to her beach house?" he asked, accusingly.

"Why are you so afraid of seeing her?" Callen asked, confused by Deeks reaction.

"I don't know… maybe because she's going to fire me?" Deeks admitted.

Callen laughed a little, "Well, you were a bit chauvinistic last night, I'll give you that… and I'm certain a day for payback will come but fire you? No, I think you're safe. Now, as for Kensi? You are on your own there."

"Great." He mumbled miserably.

"Relax, if it makes you feel any better, they are angrier at me for letting you leave alone last night than at you for Max's bad behavior." Callen assure the man.

"You? Callen, you aren't my babysitter." Deeks returned.

"True, but I am your team lead. That makes you my responsibility" Callen replied.

"Responsibility? I THOUGHT we were friends." Deeks looked at Callen in question.

"I only meant that as your team leader, it is my responsibility to watch out for you and bring you back to your family at the end of the day." Callen replied without answering the question of friendship. It wasn't that he did see them as friends, exactly. He was simply uncertain of their intent at this point. Every time he thought they were on the same page he found that he had somehow let one of them or ALL of them down.

"I wasn't working under you on this case… until the end anyway." Deeks argued as he saw the stress of the situation flash across his face, "Callen, you shoulder way too much responsibility for everyone around you. We are all big boys and girls and we make our own decisions. You can't take the blame for everything we do wrong. I was the one who disrespected the three most important women in my life… not you. You… you were just SCARY."

Callen furrowed his brow at the last statement before simply letting it go, "You got me there. I don't envy you that. Still, you are going to be just fine." Callen answered as once again they fell into a calm quiet.

"So… the beach house?" Deeks asked as they pulled up the driveway.

Turning off the car, he sat for a moment as he took in and released a deep breath, "When I would do long deep cover ops, I'd usually play some pretty rough characters. When the missions ended and I had to come back… let's just say, the transition proved rocky. So, Hetty gave me access to the beach house. I come here to decompress… be alone for a bit till I can push the alias back into its box and find… well, me." Callen answered honestly.

"So, THAT's where you'd disappear to." Deeks replied, "Sam always goes off about you going lone wolf but Hetty never seems too concerned, Now I know why."

"Yeah, well, this stays between you and me. No one else is to know. Sam can't help himself, but come check up on me… and Kensi couldn't help herself, she'd have to tell him to put him out of his misery. So, NO ONE, you hear me?" Callen warned, his voice a near growl.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Deeks assured him.

"Okay, well, your go bag is in the backseat and anything else you might need has no doubt been provided." Callen smirked as he got out of the car.

"Hetty… even though she didn't, in fact, send you." Deeks confirmed.

"Yes, Deeks… and NO, she didn't send me, but she knew I was going for you and would not be back for the next few days. From there, she would know I'd no doubt come here. Relax, would you?"

"Relax. Right. This from the most UN-relaxed individual I know." Deeks muttered

Callen rolled his eyes as he opened the door and let him in, "Go pick a room and I will scrounge up something to eat."

"You?" Deeks teased.

"Shut it, Deeks" Oliver warned as Deeks offered a wide smile before walking away.

Thirty minutes later, Deeks entered the kitchen just as Callen set two plates on the table.

"Wait… did you actually make steak salad?" Deeks asked in surprise.

"Don't go getting all excited. It's a salad, anyone can cut up a salad and you don't live with Leroy Jethro Gibbs and not learn how to grill a steak." Callen stated taking a bite.

"But it's SALAD," Deeks restated with a note of surprise that he quickly tucked away with the look on his friend's face, "soooo, the salad dressing… you make that too?"

"It was in the fridge. Seriously, I'm not as inept as everyone seems to believe. I simply choose not to cook for the most part."

"Okay, but I didn't see you bring in groceries."

"Like I said, Hetty. She keeps the freezer and the pantry stocked and when she catches wind that I'll be here, she sees to it the fridge is stocked as well. Who am I to argue?" Callen smirked.

"Wow," Deeks replied. He knew better than to believe Callen's glibness in the situation. He never took any kindness shown him for granted. "You sure have quite the support team. It's a wonder you don't gain weight." Deeks joked before seeing the look of uncertainty cross his friends face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Callen asked tightly.

Like a light switch that had just been flipped, Deeks entire demeanor changed, "Oh, come on man, like you don't know you have two different women falling all over themselves to take care of you. Even Sam's wife couldn't escape your charms. Shoot, my old lady frets over you. Quite the game you've got going."

Callen's blood boiled. He could so easily give in to the taunt and teach this Max Gentry a lesson of who not to mess with… but he didn't allow "Aiden" or, especially, "The Ghost" any opportunity. He knew one thing… Max Gentry shared the same thought process as Martin Deeks. He said what he said only because Deeks believed at least some of it. Max just wasn't afraid to say it, even if it was without tact. Maybe Kensi wasn't the only one who still didn't trust him. He shook his head… now was not the time for him to be thinking about this stuff… not while his aliases were vying for control. They messed with his thinking and processing of information.

His face hardened as he placed his utensils on the table and took a sip from his water glass, collecting his thoughts. "I'm going to let this one go… only because it's for your own safety. But let's get one thing straight, I do NOT use people I care about. Accuse me again and I won't be so forgiving." Pushing his chair roughly away from the table, he began walking away.

"Callen! Wait!" Deeks called after him, surprised when he actually stopped.

"Someone who claims to be my friend would know better than to suggest what you accuse me of. That said… Max Gentry needs to go away… immediately, if not sooner. I'm going to bed. You can clean up and turn out the lights." Without another word, he walked away and the next sound was a door slamming.

"Great!" Deeks fell back in his chair.

With his appetite gone, he covered their salads put them in the fridge, placing the remaining dishes into the dishwasher before heading to him own room.

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The early morning hours found Callen where he normally spent his time when he stayed there, walking the beach looking for peace… which is why Deeks found himself left to tossing and turning in his bed. He, too, would have preferred to walk the water's edge… but after what happened the night before, Deeks decided it was best to give Callen his space, even if it meant the whole beach at this point.

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Callen had tried but sleep evaded him. He knew it was on him that Deeks was struggling. As his friend and team leader, he should never have let him take that case without backup… it would never happen again. But he knew now that he should NOT have been the one to come after him. He may understand what Deeks is dealing with better than the rest but he was dealing with his own issues. Mixing Max Gentry with any of his own aliases was nothing short of a disaster in the making. He was surprised he hadn't seen Deeks out on the beach at some point during the night. He highly doubted he was sleeping.

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Eventually, Deeks managed to get a few hours of sleep and when he finally made his way into the kitchen, he found Callen on the deck drinking his coffee.

"Hey" Deeks asked cautiously.

"Morning. So, who am I dealing with today?" Callen asked with a note of warning, taking a sip of his coffee and looking out toward the ocean.

"Ha, yeah. I've sent Max back where he belongs."

"You have. It's that simple is it?" The question held no malice as Callen turned to face him.

"I guess. This isn't exactly my first outing as Gentry." Deeks reasoned.

"It is as a married man. Dynamics have changed, Deeks, and Gentry is one alias you need to part ways with… permanently."

"What? Why?" Deeks asked in surprise.

"Seriously? You even need to ask? You took that bastard HOME to your FAMILY." Callen stated.

When Deeks said nothing, Callen decided to push forward, "Hetty once quoted the poet, Theodore Roethke to me, "My soul, like some heat maddened summer fly keeps buzzing at the sill, Which I is I?"

Again, Deeks remained silent, unsure of where Callen was leading the conversation.

"We may be the only two in this group who truly understand the quandary of that question. You've seen two of my meaner aliases…"

"Two of? You mean there are more like 'The Ghost' and 'Aiden McDaniel'?" Deeks asked unbelievingly.

Callen quirked a brow with an amused grunt, "I've lived a lot of lives. Some easy… some… not so much. Some are downright evil by nature. Those are the ones that eat at your very being with the potential to change who you are. For you, that's Max Gentry."

"Sure, he's rough but he's nothing like those characters you take up."

"Go ahead, deny it, don't listen to me… what do I know." Callen scowled as he headed for the door to the rest of the house.

"Callen, wait! Wait!"

Slowly Callen turned to face him.

"Okay, look, maybe you're right… It's just…" Deeks struggled to explain.

"All I know is, if you don't retire that alias and bury him away… he will be your undoing where Kensi is concerned." Callen warned.

"I'll work on it." Deeks replied.

Callen decided to let the topic drop for the time being, "Okay, we can eat last night's dinner or you can cook us breakfast." He looked at Deeks expectantly.

"Oh! Okay. Eggs and bacon sound good to you?" Deeks offered, already knowing the answer.

"You even need to ask? I'll be down in five." Callen stated as he entered the house and quickly disappeared.

True to his word, he was back in the kitchen before Deeks had barely begun cooking. "You were right, ya know."

"About what?" Callen asked confused.

"Letting go of Max… it's getting harder." Deeks explained.

Callen chose to remain quiet and wait.

It wasn't until Deeks placed their plates and glasses of juice and started eating before he broke the silence.

"Can I ask you something?" Deeks asked.

"Depends," Callen replied between bites.

Deeks debated then pushed ahead, "How… I mean… what goes through your mind when you change into these other aliases."

"Change into? What, like a werewolf?" Callen joked, sipping his juice.

Deeks rolled his eyes, "You know what I mean. Callen, I've seen you go from being you to being any number of aliases and it's so smooth, it's insane. You flip through languages and accents easier than anyone I've ever met… except for maybe Lauren Hunter."

Callen bristled at the mention of the woman's name… which didn't go unnoticed by Deeks, "Sorry, man."

"It's okay, I get it." Callen interrupted as he wiped his mouth and leaned back in his chair. "Most of the time, it's as simple as it seems and sometimes it is a pleasant reprieve from my life… but then there are those that come from the inside out, eating at your soul. The longer you allow them to call the shots, the more you begin to ask the question…" Callen paused just briefly and looked to Deeks only when his friend's voice chimed in, "Which I is I?"

Callen smirked with an added shrug, "WE all have our demons, Deeks… just… some of us have more than others. I suppose if we were to talk with a normal run of the mill psychologist, we'd all be diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder."

Again, the table fell silent as they finished breakfast. When, again, one spoke, it was Callen.

"You have no choice, really. It's time to retire Max Gentry for good. He's becoming too strong. Keep it up and you will be choosing between your wife and your alter ego. Kensi deserves better than second place to the likes of Max Gentry. AND, while you're at it… you need to hand in that badge of yours."

Deeks looked up in disbelief, "Wait, what? Why?"

"You also forgot where, when, and how?" Callen replied rolling his eyes again. "It's been long enough. You are a cop… detective at heart. We get that but you work for a department that has never respected your abilities. So, I am confused as to why you would choose to divide your loyalty between them and an elite government team that has always had your back… and I don't need your reasoning, but I will be needing a decision and soon. It's time you dig those papers out Hetty gave you forever ago, dust them off and sign them."

"You know about those?" Deeks seemed surprised which gave Callen pause.

"You think she would have offered you a spot on this team without talking to me?"

"No, I suppose not. You still can't call it YOUR team, can you… even though that's how we all see it." Deeks challenged.

"It can and has survived without me. It's not important," Callen dismissed the change in conversation, unaware that he had already referred to them as just that, his team.

"Look it's not that simple." Deeks tried to explain.

"Yes, it is. If Whiting is the thing holding you back… you can stop fretting. She's no threat… not anymore."

"Wait, you know…" Deeks again asked a question that Callen could only shake his head over.

Callen again huffed in frustration, "I'm not blind nor am I unaware, Deeks."

"Yeah, but…" Deeks stammered.

"Decide, Deeks!" with that, Callen exited the house.


	8. Chapter 8

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Next chapter... you know what to do, yes? Thanks to those who offered a few story options for the future. I truly appreciate it, as well as, the reviews. Thank you._

Deeks sat thinking the conversation over. Why DID he insist on remaining with the LAPD? Yes, he was a cop at heart but he could do just as much, if not more actually, working as an agent of NCIS. He thought about what Callen said and he was right. This team had his back, always had. He thought back to those early days when Callen was not his biggest fan and even then, he made sure nothing bad happened to him. Yes, it was his job but Callen took that job very seriously. Over the years, Callen had softened, if you could use that word. While still quite intense, he had learned to accept this group as his friends, if not surrogate family. Then everything changed with one mission. Deeks understood Callen a bit better than the rest… and he hoped that Callen would find that same sense of home that he had once held. But, Deeks held back from leaving the LAPD. At one point, it was because he wasn't sure they really wanted him there but that was no longer the case… so why? Was it because he wasn't convinced Callen would stay? Was it the constant threat to disassemble the OSP? Or, was it Whiting that was causing him to remain uncertain? He needed to do some serious soul searching. Callen had said she was no longer a threat… what had he meant by that? Did they all know what Whiting was doing? Didn't really matter at this point. Callen was apparently prepared to cover him where Whiting was concerned and that concerned him as much as it relieved him. This was his mess and his alone. He could feel the fight or flight building that only came when he'd spent time as Max Gentry.

It was later that evening when Deeks finally saw Callen's figure moving towards him on the beach. He'd undoubtedly spent his day at Venice Beach on the boardwalk.

"Hey! Callen!" Deeks shouted.

Callen didn't reply until he was closing in, "Hey".

"You spend your day on the boardwalk?" Deeks asked.

"Yeah, figured I'd give you some space." Callen replied.

"And, maybe give yourself some space, as well." Deeks returned.

"Maybe."

"You hungry?" Deeks asked.

"I could eat." Callen smirked… "Fish tacos?"

"Now THAT'S what I'm talking about." Deeks agreed.

Working together, they had dinner done in no time.

"Why do you insist on hiding so much of yourself from the team?" Deeks asked as they sat down to eat.

Callen sat and thoughtfully placed his napkin in his lap. "Not sure I know what you're talking about," he answered evasively.

Deeks noticed him tense up. "Come on… you are no stranger in the kitchen, you are beyond handy with first aid and the fear of needles appears to be less than truthful. You proved yourself more than capable with technology to Eric's chagrin… and you hid the fact that you need this to move past these deep cover ops," Deeks stated in reference to the house.

"Chagrin?" Callen attempted to deflect from the conversation at hand until Deeks rolled his eyes in frustration. With a sigh, Callen placed his taco back on his plate.

"For starters, I hate needles… no lie, but sometimes they are an evil necessity. As for the technological abilities… what can I say. I learn things quickly and easily… Eric and Nell are just better and I need them to understand just how important their part is in the success of the missions we go on. And, by the way, I never denied being able to cook OR do first aid." Callen explained.

"But… you never offered up that bit of knowledge," Deeks interjected.

"Look, it doesn't matter what I can or cannot do. Everyone on this team sees me the way they think I am. Sam likes to think of me as this helpless individual who only knows what he has been able to teach me. It's his thing. I would hate to disappoint him," Callen joked half-heartedly before letting out a sigh, "It's not like it caused anyone any harm. I would never let anyone suffer if I could help them." Callen found himself defending his actions as if being accused of some wrong doing.

"I know that. I'm simply saying that if it's one thing I have learned over the near dozen years we've known each other… it's that we don't have a clue as to who the REAL you is… It just seems sad." Deeks explained.

Callen watched him quietly for a moment. This was not the time to start handing out personal feeling and information about himself. He didn't trust Deeks at the moment. Max was right there on the fringes and he wasn't about to give him anything more to work with.

"Would you like to know what' I've learned?" Callen volleyed as Deeks brows peeked.

"You are afraid. Afraid of taking chances. Afraid of Ellen Whiting and her games. Afraid of Hetty… but then we all are… You are afraid of letting go of a past you have let define you. I think you are afraid of failure… to which I think we can all thank the LAPD for… and if you quit there you have nothing to fall back on if it doesn't work out… and if the truth be told… you have doubts regarding this very team. Now, whether it's the team as a whole, the longevity of the OSP or yours truly… I'm not certain… but it's about time you hash that out." Callen finished, looking him straight in the eye.

Deeks said nothing as he watched Callen return his attention to his meal. One thing was for certain… he had just gained a whole new respect for all the times Nate was called in for evals.

As they finished and Callen put his silverware on his plate with his napkin and pushed it away, he looked up once more at the man across from him with a heavy sigh, "You know the important things," he spoke softly.

"What?" Deeks returned.

"…About me. You know what you need to," he stated again, before continuing, "you know as much about my past as I do. You know my name… you know I'm not a fan of Christmas and I reserve my socializing to this team. You know I'm no good at love, you know I came back for the team… that I'd do anything to keep this team safe. You know I'm a trained assassin who's very good at the job." Callen finished with the release of a deep breath.

"Oh… well, yeah. We do. But, that's you from OSP. We want to know the real you." Deeks encouraged as Callen just blinked in total confusion.

"That IS the real me, Deeks. I AM the job. The JOB is who I am."

"So that's it? You just shut down at the end of the work day… no life after five?" Deeks asked incredulously.

"We rarely quit at five but yeah, I go home, drink a few beers, maybe read… practice a new language, go to bed…"

Deeks's brows furrowed in thought.

"Don't… just stop right there. Don't go getting all sad over how I live my life. I'm fine with it. At least I'm not building a boat in my basement that I'll just have to take apart to get it back out when I'm done." Callen stated.

"Build a… what?" Deeks asked.

"Never mind. Point is, we all decompress in our own way. That's mine and sometimes I walk the boardwalk or go workout. I'm okay with that." Callen explained.

"You're fine with it, you're okay with it… but are you happy?" Deeks pushed.

"I'm happy when I work." Callen replied.

"So, you were happy with the Renegades," Deeks asked, eyeing his friend carefully.

"Bad example," was all he would say at first as he gathered his thoughts, "What do you want me to tell you, Deeks? I don't do the happy feely thing. Emotional relationships are too dangerous for me, for them. Drop it already." Callen stated growing tired of the intrusion into his space.

"Okay… sorry. I just worry about you."

"Well, don't… and for the record, I told Roberta I didn't need her cooking and fretting over me just as I've told Hetty and had repeatedly reminded Michelle. I'm not nor have I ever used any member of this team or their families." Callen allowed the anger and hurt of their prior conversation to surface.

"I know that." Deeks answered, appearing lost by the statement, "I'd never think that."

"Really? Then where did Gentry get the notion you did?" Callen challenged.

"You do realize Gentry is just an alias, not a real person," Deeks spoke with concern.

Callen quirked a brow as he looked at the man across the table from him.

"Really. Says the man who sits here with me instead of at home with his wife."

Deeks opened his mouth to speak then closed it before offering a meek smile, "touché".

"It's been my experience that your alias says what you feel yet you, yourself, would not be comfortable bringing up."

"Really? Speaking from experience?" Deeks asked.

"At times," was all he received in return.

"So, maybe I was a little jealous at first but then I saw how she had grown to care about you. It's good she has someone to look after… keeps her out of Kensi and my business." He chuckled.

Callen just stared but said nothing.

"NOT that you NEED looking after… I mean you are entirely capable… hmmmm, seriously, Kensi thinks it's a good thing and so do I."

Callen took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, then stood, collecting the dishes from the table. "You think any more about what I said earlier… resigning from the LAPD?"

Deeks shifted nervously, "I need time to think… process… Can we shelve it for the moment?"

Callen stopped and looked back over his shoulder, "For now, but not for long. I need an answer one way or the other. This team can't keep going with this constant uncertainty."

Deeks said nothing as he followed him into the kitchen.

"Callen, you said earlier that Whiting would no longer be a problem." Deeks stated.

"I'm not going to kill the woman, if that's what's worrying you," Callen chuckled, not bothering to look up from his task.

Deeks chuckled in return, though slightly more nervous, "No, I know that… but what exactly, did you mean?"

Callen put the last plate into the dishwasher and after setting it to run, he turned and leaned against the counter as he dried his hands. "Look, in this business, at some point during the game, you're going to get your hands dirty. Some more so than others… and while you may think you buried it, someone will always find it."

"AND, you found… it." Deeks asked, brows raised in question.

"I did" Callen confirmed, "and before you ask, I'm not telling you. You don't need to know. You only need to know that it's enough to stop whatever game she has in play regarding you."

"Callen".

"Deeks, I'm not going to hurt her, no matter how annoying I find her. Trust me."

It was almost more a question than a statement… "trust me".

"Of course."

"Good. Then we're done here" Callen pushed away from the counter and clapped Deeks on the shoulder as he passed him to exit the kitchen, beer in hand, "I'm going for a walk."


	9. Chapter 9

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Well, here we are, at the end of yet another story. Where it goes from here, I'm not sure. I do suspect it could be awhile since I'm not committed as to which direction to go with the next one. I have one in mind but it might be one that sits in the shadows until the right spot shows up for it in this storyline. If you have any ideas for what you would maybe like to see, __**NOW**__ is the time to share. Hope you enjoy this final entry._

The following day found both men calmer and more settled.

"So, regarding Max… do we put him to rest now? Time you create a new alias."

Deeks stared down into his coffee.

"Deeks, I get he's a part of you and he served a purpose… but you have a wife who loves you and a life worth living. As long as you allow Max Gentry to be a part of that life, I promise you, it won't end well. He's not worth it… but you and Kensi are."

Deeks cast a glance across the table and noted the sincerity of what his friend offered.

"That's all I'm going to say on the subject… just know, you let him back into your home and I will put him down before I will allow harm to come to Roberta, Kensi, or any other member of my team, we clear?" Callen warned.

"Fair enough," Deeks smiled sheepishly as he bit his tongue over Callen's use of the term, 'my team'. He wasn't sure if Callen was even aware he had said it… but there it was…

"Good. Now, you ready to go home?" Callen offered calmly.

"More than…"

"Okay. I'll let Hetty know and they can meet us at the bar after work for drinks." Callen informed him.

"Sounds good."

"From now on, Deeks, you need to decompress after a mission, let me know. You can use the beach house. But it stays between us, you hear me?" Callen stated.

"Yes, I hear you," Deeks replied. He respected his friend's need for something all his own. Sam could be overbearing in his desire to protect his partner and it sometimes left Callen feeling suffocated, "and thanks, I appreciate it."

\- NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA - NCIS LA -

Later that evening, Callen and Deeks walked into the bar. It was still early and so the place remained quiet.

"You're back!" Roberta shouted as she rounded the bar to give Deeks a hug before turning her motherly affection on Callen as well, "You kept your promise…good boy," She whispered only for him.

Deeks let out a quiet chuckle at the look that crossed Callen's face, unsure of how to respond to the woman.

"Have you eaten? I've got some Lasagna in the fridge. Sit, here, have a drink and I'll be right back," she ordered them.

"We're fine, Roberta," Callen assured her, stopping her in her tracks as she turned back to face them, " I said sit. You're too thin… you need to eat more," and with that, she disappeared back into the kitchen.

Callen just shook his head as he settled himself onto the barstool, accepting the offered drink as Deeks came back around to join him.

"You're lucky, Marty." Callen said sipping his drink.

"Not going to argue. Yes, I am." Deeks agreed, "but so are you."

Callen thought for a moment before answering. "Not going to argue," then raised his glass slightly before taking another sip.

They sat quietly as they listened to Roberta puttering through the kitchen.

"Uh, Callen, don't look now but we have a problem." Deeks voice a mere whisper.

"Now wha…," Callen started asking while turning his head toward the object of Deeks's concern. "Great. Just great." His thoughts of needing to move due to once more having his home compromised was quickly put to rest by the obvious surprise their presence caused the newcomers.

"You two! Thought you were dead!" The one growled as he looked toward Deeks, then Callen, "and you! Traitor".

"Here we go," Callen muttered as he turned on his stool to face their present threat. Two men who worked for the mastermind Callen had put away while his partner on the case, Deeks, was hospitalized with life threatening injuries and the rest of his team turned their backs on him creating a five-year split in the group. They needed little more provocation than that before the four men were in a heated battle that afforded them only one possible ending.

Roberta had just removed the freshly made garlic bread and warmed lasagna from the oven when she heard a crash come from the main room. Immediately putting the food aside, she headed for the bar only to find Callen and Deeks fighting off two very large and unfriendly looking men and while they appeared to be winning, she didn't take lightly to anyone who threatened those she cared about. Grabbing the shot gun she knew was under the bar, she cocked it then aimed for the ceiling. The shot brought a shocked silence to the entire building, including those in the back hallway.

Just as Sam was ready to bust in with guns drawn, Kensi at his side, Hetty pulled them to a halt. "Look" was all she said.

The sound of the shot had brought the fight to an abrupt end. Deeks had his man against a wall with his arm pulled back prepared to swing while Callen's man was in a headlock with a poor end in sight.

"All of you just back up… NOW!" Roberta yelled. Her gun now aimed at the intruders… "I don't know who you think you are, but nobody messes with my boys!"

Deeks shot a quick glance at Callen who seemed uncertain over what he heard and he could have sworn Callen's cheeks had reddened slightly when he glanced at Roberta and she returned it with a smile and a wink at the two men.

"Welcome to the family," Deeks whispered, catching Callen off guard.

"What?" Callen shot a look at Deeks, who simply shared a big goofy grin.

Callen refocused his attentions on the men in front of them.

"Do we call the police or shoot them?" Roberta asked.

It seemed to worry the men when Callen actually appeared to be considering the choices.

"Mama, put the gun down. They didn't do anything but start a fight." Deeks stated.

"That's right and to make amends before they leave, never to return while keeping their traps shut, they are going to pay for the damages." Callen stated gruffly.

"Now why would we do that?" The one man growled, making Sam shake his head at the man's stupidity, "I almost feel sorry for the idiot," he muttered.

"I don't" Kensi added.

Callen's hand flew for the gun at his back and pulled it as he advanced.

"Callen!" Deeks yelled, pulling his gun on the other man.

Sam, Kensi, and Hetty moved further into the room.

"I'll tell you why…" Callen began as he moved in close enough till the only person able to hear what he said was the man he and earlier fought with.

"What the hell is he telling that guy. He is as white as a… Ghost… never mind, I can imagine," Kensi answered her own question.

Hetty looked up at her two team members with a smirk…

"Now, do we understand each other?" Callen asked as he patted the side of the man's head with the gun, "because, I will be watching and you will not see me coming should you choose to go against our agreement here."

Quickly the men both laid the contents of their pockets on the bar before leaving."

"Wow, what did you say to them." Roberta asked counting the pile of bills, "There isn't this much damage in here."

"Let's just say they won't be a problem… and you can put some of that towards the hole behind that picture over there," Callen smiled as he holstered his weapon and turned around to see the rest of the team.

"Hetty" Callen stated glancing at Deeks who looked equally nervous.

"Mr. Callen, Mr. Deeks… Welcome home." Hetty greeted, saying nothing of what had just occurred.

"Uh, Thanks" they answered in unison.

Kensi cautiously walked towards Deeks, uncertain of what to expect.

"Hey" she greeted quietly.

"Hey, yourself." he returned equally uncertain.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, Look Fern, I hope you know how much I love you and I am soooo sorry for the other day. That wasn't me. I would never… I mean…"

"It's fine baby, I love you too. Just promise me, no more Max Gentry."

"promise." He smiled taking her face gently between his hand as he leaned in and kissed her ever so softly on the lips.

"Welcome home, babe" Kensi breathed.

"Drinks all around thanks to my boys!" Roberta hollered to everyone's delight.

"Like I said, welcome to the family," Deeks offered as he sat down next to Callen.

"Really." Callen replied.

Deeks looked at him in confusion but before he could reply Sam walked up, "So, who were those two?"

It was the question he'd dreaded answering but Deeks spoke up first, "Just dumb luck. They walked in and recognized me from an old case." Deeks shot Callen a look that said he had his back.

"You? Seemed pretty personal to YOU, G"

"My home, my t… turf" Callen caught himself.

"Your… turf?" Sam joked, "Okay… fair enough. So Deeks's dumb luck aside… you okay? I mean we aren't going back to house hopping again, are we?"

Deeks didn't give Callen a chance to answer, "Are you kidding? This is the very reason I wanted him here. I mean besides him needing a home… Having Callen here means Mama Deeks is safe from idiots like that."

"Couldn't agree more," Sam replied as Hetty called him away, leaving Deeks and Callen alone.

"Deeks, we got lucky tonight. There was only two. This is the very reason I SHOULDN'T be here. I don't want to endanger your mom."

"Callen," Deeks started, with more understanding of his earlier remark. "My mom is safer with you here. I have no fear or concern for her safety when you are here. Please… stay."

After a pause, Callen finally nodded his agreement.

"Good, now I'm going to go see about that lasagna waiting for us."

Hetty followed Deeks into the kitchen, "Mr. Deeks" she stated, alerting him to her presence.

Jumping in surprise, Deeks turned to face the woman, "Hetty… didn't hear you come in. Do you need something?" he asked, obvious to Hetty that he was on edge.

"I do, Mr. Deeks," she replied watching him fidget… "Am I to presume you have put Mr. Gentry to rest now?"

"Uh, yes. I have." He answered, offering none of his usual quips.

"Is that for good or are we to be forced to deal with him again in the future?" she asked, looking over the rim of her glasses, lips pursed, brows raised.

"I think it's best if we retire that alias permanently," he replied carefully.

"Agreed. Are you able to do that or is he too deeply ingrained?" Hetty asked, eyeing him carefully.

Unsure of exactly what to say he sighed, "Hetty, I am so incredibly sorry for my behavior the other night. That was quite an eye opener for me. I had no idea how much a part of me Max had become. I promise you, nothing like that will ever happen again. Callen will attest to that."

Hetty chuckled at that. She knew her boy would have had this talk with him and knowing how difficult releasing these imbedded aliases could be, would have encouraged Gentry's retirement.

"Very well, Mr. Deeks. I expect you will be at the office tomorrow, yes?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah, for sure." He breathed a sigh of relief as she turned to go.

NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA === NCIS LA = NCIS LA

After Deeks walked away, Kensi took the opportunity to go sit next to Callen. "Thank you," she offered softly, "and I feel like I owe you an apology as well."

Callen shot a sideways glance at her, "You don't owe me anything. You were worried about your husband. No one can blame you for that."

"But I shouldn't have accused you for going off on him like you did. You were simply protecting me. Why won't you look at me? You did that the other night as well… are you that angry with me?" she asked worriedly.

"How could I be angry with you? You did nothing wrong. I, on the other hand, just keep putting your happiness at risk, it seems," he replied.

"Callen, no… I promise you… I do not feel that way towards you." Kensi cried, "Please look at me… I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to be," Callen again offered, pausing a moment before continuing, "I've spent a lot of time thinking the last few days."

"About what, exactly?" Kensi asked nervously, "You aren't planning on leaving again, are you? I couldn't bear it."

"No, I'm not leaving." Callen answered her concern then sighed as he collected his thoughts. "They say the eyes are a window to the soul… If that's true… then no one needs to see that. I imagine my soul must be pretty dark by this point, when you consider all the demons that reside there… everything I have done. Seeing Max Gentry reminded me of just how bad so many of my aliases are…" Callen dared the briefest of glances her way. He loved Kensi from the first time they met. She was one of the bravest, brightest, strongest women he knew but there was a fragility to her that he wanted to protect… even from himself. "No one needs to see just how damaged I really am," he finished, looking down at the bar.

Kensi frowned at the thought of her friend believing such a thing. She then forced Callen to turn on his stool until he faced her and was forced to look her in the eye. She smiled then, " You may have faced a lot of darkness in your life, played at being a lot of mean even evil people for your job, and yes, you did things for the government they had no moral right asking of you…but Callen, no one can have a soul as dark as you claim… have demons so bad as you suggest and still have eyes as blue as yours. There's no way! There is nothing you will ever do to convince me not to love you for you." Kensi leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

Callen looked at her then… his eyes lit with a look on his face she wasn't quite sure how to read… but rather than reply to her, he simply smiled and then turned to find where Deeks was standing.

"Okay, so Deeks, you are my landlord, correct?"

"Yeah, same as before, why?" Deeks replied catching the attention of the others.

"Well, your mom kinda shot a hole through my floor," Callen explained as both men looked up, "Gonna need to have that fixed as soon as possible," Callen took a drink from his bottle as he cast a glance over at Deeks.

Deeks just shook his head, raking his fingers through his hair as the rest of the room erupted in laughter.

FINI


End file.
